I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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