We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My ass is underappreciated
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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