Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
