Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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