I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize