Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
