i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
