thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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