i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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