I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
