Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
