to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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