My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
