It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize