when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My vagina just clenched in fear
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
