So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
