Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
