it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
