Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
