Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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