I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
