You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
