the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
