is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
