this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
