Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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