I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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