i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
