she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
