Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
