We're like a lot better than the average bears
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
