FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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