just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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