I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize