I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
