we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
