I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
