i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
im on a boat
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