I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize