My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
