So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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