Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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