cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize