She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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