Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
