I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
