Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
