proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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