I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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