I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
