dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
