hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
