I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
even my farts smell like vagina
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
