After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
