We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
