he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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