no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
