Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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