I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
