why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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