Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I forget how to act sober
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
