Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
