This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
