HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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