The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
