whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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