Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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