you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
