i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
