My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
zippers are such a cool invention
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
