bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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