I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
