haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
