i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
