All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
