the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
