none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
