he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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