I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
