I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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