You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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