Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
