I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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