Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I met the friendliest cop last night
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
