I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize