why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
