he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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