sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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