I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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