I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
