There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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