You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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