she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
