hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize