like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
