Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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