to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
