I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
